Try me, I swear (a luteal phase playlist)

Including comprehensive liner notes

Hello my beautiful Gems¹!

I have been working on a little project for a little over a month, and I’m pretty stoked to finally share it. The idea was born back in November when Spotify created this for my daylist:

And yeah, I was being silly at first, but then I looked on Spotify, and sure enough! Other women had the idea to create their own playlists for that crabby, weepy, sore boobs, big zits, constant cravings, borderline homicidal cycle phase that activates (for me) immediately upon ovulation: THE LUTEAL PHASE².

None of the playlists created by others really landed for me, though, so I started putting together a playlist that is filled with songs I really, really love and that really, really sum up the range of emotions of the luteal phase. It’s built from genres I love (everything from 80s punk to 90s pop to hot girls of the modern era) and is representative of artists I know well (yeah, there’s probably too much T Swift) and some that are entirely new to me but who definitely hit the vibe.

You can find this playlist on Spotify AND yes, I got you Apple Music girlies, too!

ed note: This post has far, far surpassed the email length limit. To read it in its entirety, please click through to read in a browser or in the Substack app.

LINER NOTES

One of the best gifts I’ve ever been given was from my dear friend of many decades Laura Tremaine. Back in 2008, she sent me two custom-made mixtape CDs packed with all kinds of incredible music. Even better than the magnificent curation of music was that Laura had thoughtfully included handwritten liner notes for all of the songs she chose. Like can you even? BEST GIFT.

So I felt deeply inspired and compelled to include liner notes to this playlist. Each song was chosen with intention, and the playlist moves through different themes - some obvious, but some more subtle.

Let’s get into it.

SECTION ONE: UNIVERSALLY ANGSTY

Across time, space, and culture, there’s a unifying understanding of the experience of being a woman

deep end :: Fousheé

Fousheé is the patron saint of this mixtape. Lyrics from the very last song on the list are what inspired the title (you’ll see when you get there), and it felt like a necessary choice to have another one of her songs to kick us off³. This song was released in peak pandemic (2021), so I hope it’s not too triggering to hear, but if “I’ve been trying not to go off the deep end” doesn’t exactly describe the vibe of the luteal phase for you, well, then we are not the same.

KILLER BARS: Pardon my tits and make-up, (uh, uh) pay her

Seether :: Veruca Salt

I was reminded of this 1994 release from Veruca Salt’s album American Thighs when it was used in season 2, episode 3 of PEN15. The episode is titled Vendy Wicanny in which Maya and Anna discover their inner witchiness and release their magic on the world around them. (One of my faves, for reasons obvious.) This song introduced lots of Gen X girls to the concept of female rage and how difficult it is for women to know what to do with anger. Seether envisions rage as an imagined daughter that the narrator can’t quite control.

KILLER BARS: I try to rock her in my cradle/ I try to knock her out/ I try to cram her back in my mouth

all-american bitch :: Olivia Rodrigo

From American Thighs to “perfect all-American hips,” next up is modern pop phenom Olivia Rodrigo. Listen, I love her album GUTS in its entirety, it’s so great. all-american bitch is like if America Ferrera’s Barbie monologue were set to music. Sometimes being a woman in this culture sucks, whether you’re 21 or 101.

KILLER BARS: all the time
I’m grateful all the (fucking) time
I’m sexy and I’m kind
I’m pretty when I cry

Zombie :: The Cranberries

At the end of all-american bitch, you hear the sound of Olivia (??) clomp-running in heels. I like to imagine for the purposes of this playlist that the running is actually St. Dolores O’Riordan of The Cranberries taking the stage to remind us Americans that actually, yeah, it’s hard to be a woman, and also it’s hard to be a human. 1994’s Zombie paints a picture of The Troubles and how absolutely awful people can be to each other. I’m never more prone to dystopian despair than in the angst-fueled weeks of luteal phase, so this felt important to include.

KILLER BARS: Another mother’s breaking
Heart is taking over
When the violence causes silence
We must be mistaken

What’s Up? :: 4 Non Blondes

A truth that I have known since this iconic song dropped in 1993 is that there are few things more emotionally cathartic than getting in your vehicle and scream-singing this song at, well, at the top of your lungs.

KILLER BARS: And so I wake in the morning and I step outside
And I take a deep breath and I get real high
And I scream from the top of my lungs
”What’s going on?”

SECTION TWO: I WOULD LIKE TO EXIT THE PLANET NOW

It’s probably be better for me and for you if I just, you know, grab a seat on the next rocket ship

I Hate It Here :: Taylor Swift

I’ll be the first to admit that Taylor’s The Tortured Poets Department isn’t one of my favorites. There are probably five songs that I really really love, and the other twenty-six (!) are just okay for me. I pulled I Hate It Here from that album to kick-off a section of this playlist that can be summed up by deeply sighing and staring moodily out a window as rain drizzles down paired with a little light disassociation⁴.

KILLER BARS: I hate it here so I will go to
Lunar valleys in my mind
When they found a better planet
Only the gentle survived

I Wish I Was The Moon :: Neko Case

Now THIS song! If I had this song on cassette tape, I couldn’t even loan it to you to listen because I would have worn that tape smooth out. Crazily enough, I discovered this song in season four, episode six of True Blood⁵. I looked it up immediately, and it now holds a spot in my Top Five All-Time Favorite Songs. Maybe it’s the way Neko Case perfectly captures the utter bone-deep exhaustion of life on this planet, or maybe it’s my lifelong obsession with the moon. I don’t know. Every lyric just hits.

KILLER BARS: How will you know if you've found me at last?/
'Cause I'll be the one be the one be the one/ With my heart in my lap

Saturn :: SZA

Rounding out this trilogy of dreaming of life on another planet whilst luteal-ing is SZA’s Saturn. Even though I lovveeee SZA, I wasn’t an immediate fan of this single when it dropped last year. But many listens later, I can confidently say it has turned into a favorite.

KILLER BARS: Sick of this head of mine
Intrusive thoughts, they paralyze
Nirvana's not as advertised
There's got to be more, been here before

SECTION THREE: IT’S NOT YOU, IT’S ME (AND ALSO IT’S YOU)

Luteal Phase me is just generally uncomfortable with myself and everyone else on the planet

You’re On Your Own, Kid :: Taylor Swift

AKA The Ballad of the Avoidantantly Attached. The closer I am to the end of my cycle, the more convinced I am that it’s just me against the world.

KILLER BARS: I hosted parties and starved my body/ Like I'd be saved by a perfect kiss

Why Am I Like This? :: Orla Gartland

The song came to me via the very excellent Heartstopper soundtrack. Irish singer Orla Gartland said this she dedicated this song to the “anxious overthinking types,” and it’s also just fun to sing.

KILLER BARS: Maybe I'm an old soul trapped in a young body
Maybe you don't really want me there at your birthday party
I'll be there in the corner thinking right over
Every single word of the conversation we just had

Uninvited :: Alanis Morissette

Look me in the eyes and tell me this isn’t the apex of Alanis’s discography I DARE YOU. And I bet you forgot about it, didn’t you? Drop everything in your hands right now and go listen to this. Her vocals are everything and also why does the orchestral backing go so hard??? The strings are stringing! Push play on this and crank up the volume all the way while you respond NO to every single dumb bitch who texts you during the back half of your cycle (yes even your children).

KILLER BARS: You speak of my love like/ You have experienced love like mine before⁶

i hate you, i love you :: gnash, Olivia O’Brien

Okay, this is one of only two songs in which a male voice is permitted on this playlist, and it’s justified. This duet features the female narrator feeling so conflicted about a relationship where she is convinced that her now-ex wanted only a version of her, a version that she does not see herself to be. The male point of view is very soft boy in his response, openly discussing his feelings and trying to convince her that he wants all of who she is (And I’m always tired, but never of you is maybe one of the most romantic lines in all of modernity).

KILLER BARS: If I pulled a you on you, you wouldn’t like that shit

SECTION FOUR: SCREAM IT OUT

seriously. turn up the volume and just scream

This section of songs meant to be scream-sung is so long, we’re gonna speed run it!

Shitlist :: L7

1992 release from all-female punk band of the 80s and 90s

KILLER BARS: For all the ones
Who bum me out
Shitlist
For all the ones
Who fill my head with doubt
Shitlist

vampire :: Olivia Rodrigo

If you haven’t pounded your fist on the steering wheel while singing this at the top of your lungs in the days before your period starts, my friend, then you have not luteal-ed correctly.

KILLER BARS: The way you sold me for parts/ As you sunk your teeth into me

i’m fine :: Fousheé

Fousheé is back at the almost midpoint of this playlist oscillating wildly from delicate and demur to absolutely psychotic screaming

KILLER BARS: Grandma says keep your head up, it’s FIIIIIIIINE

Gaslighter :: The Chicks

Whatever emotions are coursing through your veins, The Chicks have a song for that. This is a good one for rage.

KILLER BARS: Gaslighter, you broke me/You’re sorry but where’s my apology?

Eat Them :: Lady Pills

Lady Pills is a 2010s art-rock group and the thesis of this song is maybe retributive cannibalism??

KILLER BARS: I don’t think it’s fine, I wanna kill you/ And I can say the same about your friends

You Oughta Know :: Alanis Morissette

Real ones do know

KILLER BARS: You seem very well
Things look peaceful
I'm not quite as well
I thought you should know

Since U Been Gone :: Kelly Clarkson

I regret to inform you that this song is over 20 years old.

KILLER BARS: Shut your mouth, I just can’t take it
Again and again and again and again

Happier Than Ever :: Billie Eilish

If you haven’t seen post-Olivia Wilde Jason Sudeikis scream the second and third verse into a microphone, please treat yourself (while this TikTok still exists)

KILLER BARS: Cause that shit’s embarrassing, you were my everything,
And all that you did was make me fuckin’ sad

Bad Reputation :: Joan Jett & the Blackhearts

As true in 1980 as it is today.

KILLER BARS: I don't give a damn 'bout my reputation
I've never been afraid of any deviation
An' I don't really care if you think I'm strange
I ain't gonna change

SECTION FIVE: HOMICIDAL

be cool or someone could get hurt

For legal and moral purposes, this next section of odes to criminal acts⁷ is obviously all for jokes. Obviouslllyyyyyyyy. Just jokes.

Criminal :: Fiona Apple

I was only 20 when Fiona dropped this brilliance on us back in 1997, and as such, I could not fully appreciate it yet. Unlike the other songs in this section, our narrator didn’t do anything so terrible as murder. Instead, she is, as Fiona described it, “feeling bad for getting something so easily by using your sexuality.” If you haven’t lately, please go look at this album cover where she is absolutely servingggggg ahead of her time!

KILLER BARS: I’ve been a bad, bad girl/ I’ve been careless with a delicate man

Kill Bill :: SZA

When SZA dropped Kill Bill two years ago this month, she breathed new life into every film bro’s favorite Tarantino title. Inspired by the “consequences to breaking the heart of a murdering bastard,” SZA told Glamour, “I've never raged the way that I should have. This is my villain era, and I'm very comfortable with that.” Luteal phase = villain era, for sure.

KILLER BARS: You was out of reach
You was at the farmer's market with your perfect peach
Now I'm in the basement, planning home invasion
Now you laying face-down, got me singing over a beat

Hot Killer :: Julia Wolf

This fun little song came to me by way of TikTok - specifically, Draco Malfoy edits on TikTok. (I have, as the kids say, built my For You Page brick by brick.) The narrator here isn’t interested in actual murder, just getting free drinks at the club! I love how its packed with pop culture references, including True Blood. Which, now that I think about it, you could pair this with I Wish I Was The Moon for a real musical whiplash moment.

KILLER BARS: Team Draco, born into Slytherin
Cold-blooded, but my small talk innocent
He bought me a drink, I won't finish it

Goodbye Earl :: The Chicks

The first draft of this playlist had Taylor Swift’s collab with HAIM, “no body, no crime” on it. I deliberated heavily, and ultimately, pulled that one and put our OG murder ballad gleefully sung by⁸ Natalie, Emily, and Martie on here instead. It’s a tribute to female friendships and finding your power in the midst of Intimate Partner Violence. And the music video is really, really fun.

KILLER BARS: Those black-eyed peas/ They tasted alright to me, Earl

Alibi :: Sevdaliza, Pabllo Vittar, Yseult

ANOTHER song delivered to me by TikTok! I’ll be the first to confess that I watched a lot of women dancing to this song last summer (help), and it … did something to me. I’m no better than a man. It took me a few weeks to even look into the artist and lyrics. Sevdaliza is an Iranian-Dutch artist who recorded this one with Brazilian singer and drag queen Pabllo Vittar and French singer-songwriter Yseult. A lot of the lyrics are in Portuguese and French, but! We’ve got more of that sisters-in-arms energy in that pre-chorus.

KILLER BARS: When I'm out of breath, she's my vitals
When I need to rev, she's my ride-or-die
When I'm out of faith, she's my idol
I just killed a man, she's my alibi

I Did Something Bad :: Taylor Swift

Taylor’s reputation album is THAT GIRL, and we all know it. This song felt right as the transition from Hormonal Crime Spree to Do Not Play In My Face, the final section of our journey through our Luteal Era.

KILLER BARS: They’re burnin’ all the witches even if you aren’t one/ So light me up (light me up) light me up (light me up)

SECTION 6: TRY ME

don’t get it twisted

Not Ready to Make Nice :: The Chicks

And now we have arrived at the last section of this melodic journey through the hormonal underworld, and the theme here is please do not misunderstand or underestimate me. Who else to kick it off but The Chicks in their Fuck You, We’re Not Sorry Era⁹??

KILLER BARS¹⁰: I made my bed, and I sleep like a baby/With no regrets, and I don’t mind sayin’

I’m Not Your Mother, I’m Not Your Bitch :: Courtney Barnett

Leave it to a lovely lady from Down Under to make it real real clear exactly where you stand with her - with us! - collectively.

KILLER BARS: I try my best at being patient/But I can only put up with so much shit

I am not a woman, I’m a god :: Halsey

One thing I love about Halsey’s music is she’s not afraid to dive in and get messy in the duality of life. (She’s got that Cancer Moon; they rarely fear big feelings.) This song in particular draws on the conflict between feeling too divine for this human experience combined with the angst secretly believing yourself to be more fraudulent than legendary. It’s an ode to feeling conflicted, and yet, she ends it a declaration of independence: Keep your heart ‘cause I already got one.

KILLER BARS: Every day I’ve got a smile where my frown goes; a couple bodies in the garden where the grass grows

Truth Hurts :: Lizzo

Look, are we still supposed to be mad at Lizzo? I don’t know. I don’t care. She gave us 100% that bitch energy, and for that, I’ll always be grateful.

KILLER BARS: Hey, I’m glad you’re back with your bitch
I mean, who would wanna hide this?
I will never ever ever ever ever be your side chick

My Kink Is Karma :: Chappell Roan

I listened to Chappell’s The Rise and Fall of a Midwest Princess album obsessively last summer, and it is truly a work of art. This is my favorite track, and I think it’s vastly underrated. Her vocalization of orgasmic energy at the end of the bridge is unmatched¹¹. It’s an ode to unbridled schadenfreude, and I love it.

KILLER BARS: Wishing you the best in the worst way/ Using your distress as foreplay

Rolling in the Deep :: Adele

Mind you, Adele wrote this song when she was twenty-one. She said this about it in 2012: “It’s me saying, ‘Get the fuck out of my house,’ instead of begging him to come back.” At twenty-one! She’s so real for that.

KILLER BARS: Baby, I have no story to be told
But I’ve heard one on you, now I’m gonna make your head burn
Think of me in the depths of your despair
Make a home down there, as mine sure won’t be shared

Breakin’ Dishes :: Rihanna

This song was created for rage dancing, and we thank you for that, Goddess Rihanna.

KILLER BARS: I’m breakin’ dishes up in here all night/ I ain’t gon’ stop until I see police lights

candy grapes :: Fousheé, Steve Lacy

And here we are, babes!! We made it to the end of this journey, and we find ourselves where the inspiration for this entire playlist started. This is the second of only two songs in this anthology which allows a male voice, and it happens to be my Gemini inspiration Steve Lacy. I LOVE THIS SONG. That opening line: “Oh, it’s easy to love/ Consider you lucky,” y’all! The way the chorus keeps coming back to the lines “Try me, I swear.” Try me. Try me, and I could pull a gun on you. Try me, and you could find that I’m actually an angel. Steve’s verse teases out the sadness and loneliness of never being truly known, and the despair in realizing you aren’t wearing your mask. Just really this whole seven-minute song is so great, and the last four minutes or so are just their lovely pairing of vocalizations and music. Steve and Fousheé wrote it together, and Steve produced it, and it’s perfect.

KILLER BARS: Try me two times
I’m gonna let down my hair
I’m gonna break, I don’t care

---

Detective Olivia Benson, you’ll always be my trusted adult

AND THAT, MY DARLINGS, IS YOUR LUTEAL PHASE PLAYLIST!

It is my fondest hope that you’ll hit play on it when you are riding that razor’s edge between power and madness and that you will know that you are not alone.

Hallelujah, holy shit, pass the Midol,

Meg

PS: I don’t have paid subscriptions, but if you feel so inclined, you can always buy me a coffee.

PPS: If you are interested in what else I’m listening to, you can follow me on airbuds or Spotify

1. Gems … IDK, let’s try it out. Subject to change but it feels right for now

2. In my younger years, I had a little bit of buffer around ovulation, but ever since perimenopause has kicked in, I swear to you I can FEEL the monster awaken within me as soon as that egg kicks out the tube!

3. I’m a Libra Midheaven, okay? I’ll always be seeking balance. Fousheé to bookend the selections only makes sense

4. When I’m in the glory of the follicular phase on through ovulation, I actually LOVE IT HERE and I am SO HAPPY that my soul chose this planet, this dimension, this timeline again. I really love it here. Until that egg drops and THEN

5. This is actually not crazy, it’s completely on-brand for me

6. Like be fucking for real this line is mythological

7. Inspired by the number of times I’ve texted my friend Julie when I’m a few days past the day I *should* have started my period telling her how absolutely homicidal I felt

8. Did you know Goodbye Earl was written by a MAN? Dennis Linde, whose credits include Elvis’s Burning Love, wrote it for the band Sons of the Desert, but The Chicks took it to gold.

9. In case you had forgotten

10. OH GOD, I was just reminded when I typed up those lyrics of the blip on last summer’s radar when some conservative women content creators were using the bridge to this song to express their rage at being “silenced” and HOW EMBARASSING

11. Taylor Swift’s Dress is another top contender, but Chappell really commits to it